Waiting

Jonathan Carroll once wrote something like: "Slowly, don’t be in a hurry. Make the waiting even more painful, and at the same time – more pleasurable". When I imagine and think about something I really want that is going to happen soon, I smile widely and sometimes even shed a tear. Joy fills up my hear, I feel happy, and even though I cannot see it, or smell it, or experience it, somehow I feel it. Since it is a sensation, it can be evoked anywhere and anytime. Isn’t that the most fantastic thing of making dreams come true? Not the destination itself, rather the way towards it. Here disappointment does not even have the right of ingress! There is no risk, it is just pure pleasure. Nobody can take it away, nobody can disturb it. Here is huge joy to which even fear does not have an entrance ticket. 

I felt this way so many times before, even when it was only about some seemingly meaningless trifle. And I always said to myself then: „Damn! I want it now! Right now! Right here!”. But we cannot speed up time, obviously. That is why, this time, I decided to make the most of my waiting. I will be smiling to this mysterious sensation, breathing it, contemplating it, I will be grateful for it, I will be living it and I will be bathing in it.