(Temporary) crisis

Okay. I did not expect that. Or maybe I did, subconsciously, and was afraid of it, but still wanted to give it a try. Here I am. Why does it feel so much worse here? What am I supposed to do now, here?! 

When I go through all of it, it will be finally gone. Fine. Nice. But now - is this all of it, or just another piece? I have to know, and get prepared. Maybe another will show up in a few hours, days or months. When will be the last bit? Will it be the most spectacular and sudden end or just a silent, almost indistinguishable moment of relief? 

I wanted to send a message to a friend and ask for help. It would be the second time in my life that I ask for such help. I was actually writing it already. But I didn't send it. First of all because I somehow knew that this message would not make a friend come to me anyway. Second of all - because a friend cannot really help. That's it.

My conclusion for today is: subway may be unbelievably depressing. I thought I would run away from there, if I could. But the surface didn't seem to me better. Although I could use sunglasses there. And pretend. 

Breathe, breathe, breathe.