Scared

"She was so incredibly sorry for having let the fear slip through her fingers. She was so sorry for making him feel it and see her crying. She knew how much it made him sad. There was probably nothing worse than that, was there?
She cried because she loved him. She cried because she was scared. Then she cried because she was scared that her crying would scare him. And she cried because she was scared of what she saw in his eyes. She was scared of the next few seconds and the first few words he was about to articulate. She wanted to put her hand on his mouth so that he could not say any words. She was too scared to hear them and bear them and live with them. 
She wanted to run, to run away from him, to run away from them, to make it easier for him. To never again make him see her cry. She wanted to save him as she knew he did not deserve that pain. Most of all, though, he did not deserve that disappointment. 
She did not want to hurt him anymore and she did not want to hurt herself by knowing that she was hurting him, either.

So she wanted to go. Disappear. Leave. For a second she wanted to leave them as she thought it might be easier that way. In all that fear, she thought it was easier to leave him than to be left by him. She would have not survived it. Not then. Not yet. Probably never."