Today a friend of mine sent me an e-mail saying that she needs to confide in somebody. I don't really get this whole telling-about-our-problems-thing. I don't do this. I can't just hear about somebody's struggle and nod my head. When I hear about my friend's problem, I want to help. So I give advice and instruct what she can do to help herself. Talking doesn't change a thing whilst my inspiration or instruction may change a lot.
I wrote a long exhaustive reply but I am not sure if this is what she wanted. And it made me realise that I don't have many friends because of this. Most people just want to tell things, not to resolve the problem. I can't just talk when I see that my friend is suffering. I want to make a change, to alleviate her pain and give hope. Make her do something so that she can be happy. But most people don't want to act, try and change things in their lives. They just want to tell people about their pain and problems. I don't have friends not only because I can't just listen to them and give no feedback, but also because I don't need anyone doing this for me. I don't need anyone to listen to me. If I need help, I need help, not just nodding or hugging. I need instructions, hope, I need to know I can get out of this, I want to know what steps I should take.
Funny. When I was writing the reply I realised that I was giving her advice on a problem that is very similar to mine. I wrote about resolving it so easily and with such confidence that I am sure I would convince anyone that he or she can solve it, that it's possible to get rid of this problem and that, of course, it requires some work, but it's totally feasible. Seems hypocritical but I don't think it is. I just, in my own life, have some work to do, too.
I already got her answer. Apparently my reply was not what she wanted. So I replied again, shortly, kind of dryly and with a certain dose of humour (I no longer treated the problem as very serious - as she herself doesn't do it - and I gave her no further instructions). Your life, your choice.
I used to meddle in other people's problems, offering my help by suggesting what they can do to make themselves happier, but I realised they didn't like it. So I stopped, as I think that each one of us should find their own way of coping with the world. Now, though, somebody asked me for help, so I thought I should offer her some solutions that work for me and that would work for everyone, if they wanted it. However, it was just one more person who just wanted to tell me something.
She thanked me, nevertheless. She said my words made her think.
At least that.
I wrote a long exhaustive reply but I am not sure if this is what she wanted. And it made me realise that I don't have many friends because of this. Most people just want to tell things, not to resolve the problem. I can't just talk when I see that my friend is suffering. I want to make a change, to alleviate her pain and give hope. Make her do something so that she can be happy. But most people don't want to act, try and change things in their lives. They just want to tell people about their pain and problems. I don't have friends not only because I can't just listen to them and give no feedback, but also because I don't need anyone doing this for me. I don't need anyone to listen to me. If I need help, I need help, not just nodding or hugging. I need instructions, hope, I need to know I can get out of this, I want to know what steps I should take.
Funny. When I was writing the reply I realised that I was giving her advice on a problem that is very similar to mine. I wrote about resolving it so easily and with such confidence that I am sure I would convince anyone that he or she can solve it, that it's possible to get rid of this problem and that, of course, it requires some work, but it's totally feasible. Seems hypocritical but I don't think it is. I just, in my own life, have some work to do, too.
I already got her answer. Apparently my reply was not what she wanted. So I replied again, shortly, kind of dryly and with a certain dose of humour (I no longer treated the problem as very serious - as she herself doesn't do it - and I gave her no further instructions). Your life, your choice.
I used to meddle in other people's problems, offering my help by suggesting what they can do to make themselves happier, but I realised they didn't like it. So I stopped, as I think that each one of us should find their own way of coping with the world. Now, though, somebody asked me for help, so I thought I should offer her some solutions that work for me and that would work for everyone, if they wanted it. However, it was just one more person who just wanted to tell me something.
She thanked me, nevertheless. She said my words made her think.
At least that.
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