He looked at her, frankly amazed, and said sincerely:
– I would like to be as calm as you are. It's unthinkable, especially after all that you've been through.
– And that's exactly why I'm so calm. Because I've been through all of this. – she responded.
– It's incredible. I simply can't. I cannot!
– I know. You can't do this yet. It takes time. It takes experiences. You have to think with a clear mind, without emotions nor fear. And each one of us has to realise it when their time comes. Even if I tried to explain it to you now, you wouldn't understand a thing. Well, maybe you would, but you wouldn't believe it, simply because you are not ready yet. I am calm because I know that I cannot lose anything. I never lose anything anymore. – she said.
– What do you mean by that? – he asked her instantly.
– I mean that you never lose people. You just lose the type of relation you had with them. You don't lose a woman, you lose the way she thanked you for that morning coffee. You miss the feeling you had with her when walking around in Cracow, not her. You long for everything you felt when meeting her on that bus station, not her in particular. It's just the feelings you miss, not the person itself.
– You may be right. – he replied with a resigned voice, trying to find reasons why he could start to hate the woman who has left him, as it would be the easiest way, but he failed. He looked out of the window, at the darkness of the city at 3:00 AM, nodding his head.
– So do you really think that in the whole world there is no other woman who would smile to you when you bring to her bed a cup of coffee in the morning? Do you really think it's impossible to feel those things with another woman? – she asked slowly, looking straight into his scared eyes. But he did not reply. She knew he knew the answer, but it was too early for him to admit it.
After a couple of seconds of silence, he added:
– You know, it's funny, but it seemed to me there in that pub, when I first saw you after so much time, that you cover all the sadness and pain and longing with your laughter... I was sure of it, actually.
– No. – she responded firmly, smiling slightly. – Simply because there is no sadness nor pain. Every single thing that happened to me there was a surprise. Every day was a new day full of things I did not expect. You see, that's why I was so happy as never in my life before – because I did not have any expectations. I just let myself enjoy the moment. I still think I don't even have the right to expect anything because, simply, all that I was given there was so unforgettable. I am not sad because... because I don't expect anymore.
– I would like to be as calm as you are. It's unthinkable, especially after all that you've been through.
– And that's exactly why I'm so calm. Because I've been through all of this. – she responded.
– It's incredible. I simply can't. I cannot!
– I know. You can't do this yet. It takes time. It takes experiences. You have to think with a clear mind, without emotions nor fear. And each one of us has to realise it when their time comes. Even if I tried to explain it to you now, you wouldn't understand a thing. Well, maybe you would, but you wouldn't believe it, simply because you are not ready yet. I am calm because I know that I cannot lose anything. I never lose anything anymore. – she said.
– What do you mean by that? – he asked her instantly.
– I mean that you never lose people. You just lose the type of relation you had with them. You don't lose a woman, you lose the way she thanked you for that morning coffee. You miss the feeling you had with her when walking around in Cracow, not her. You long for everything you felt when meeting her on that bus station, not her in particular. It's just the feelings you miss, not the person itself.
– You may be right. – he replied with a resigned voice, trying to find reasons why he could start to hate the woman who has left him, as it would be the easiest way, but he failed. He looked out of the window, at the darkness of the city at 3:00 AM, nodding his head.
– So do you really think that in the whole world there is no other woman who would smile to you when you bring to her bed a cup of coffee in the morning? Do you really think it's impossible to feel those things with another woman? – she asked slowly, looking straight into his scared eyes. But he did not reply. She knew he knew the answer, but it was too early for him to admit it.
After a couple of seconds of silence, he added:
– You know, it's funny, but it seemed to me there in that pub, when I first saw you after so much time, that you cover all the sadness and pain and longing with your laughter... I was sure of it, actually.
– No. – she responded firmly, smiling slightly. – Simply because there is no sadness nor pain. Every single thing that happened to me there was a surprise. Every day was a new day full of things I did not expect. You see, that's why I was so happy as never in my life before – because I did not have any expectations. I just let myself enjoy the moment. I still think I don't even have the right to expect anything because, simply, all that I was given there was so unforgettable. I am not sad because... because I don't expect anymore.
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